drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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