literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
