oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
