It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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