Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
