Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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