Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
