my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
