By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
