She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
