walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
