She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
