so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
