if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
