i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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