Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
