well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
