Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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