He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
