very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
