so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
