Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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