So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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