OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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