the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
