My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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