Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
