Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
