did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
