You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
