mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
ttyl tear gas
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
