I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is it because I queefed?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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