so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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