She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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