someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
