eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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