I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
