best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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