I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
