I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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