Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
