So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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