i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
