Soap is not a condiment
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she smelled like a LAN party
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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