When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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