My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
