Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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