Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You took a bar mat shot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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