Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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