Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
